Words

Let’s talk about words. I’m a writer and I’ve had this huge passionate love affair with words since before I can remember.

Words are a way of connecting us to our thoughts and ideas. Words allow us to move pure emotion and sensation into a different part of our brain that stores and accesses memories. My selfish desire to access my own memories of trail running and whatever else has floated through my mind led me to create this blog; the process of writing about a specific moment in time and what has connected me to those emotions, colors and sensations of movement has helped cement certain feelings and pictorial memories into words that now are less a piece of my mental landscape than stories that can be told to others to create a sense of space, time, energy and place. Now I have something tangible to share.

Words allow us to speak with others and connect with members of our species. We can share commonalities, teach our children, debate with others and learn new languages, thus expanding our reach and understanding. The universal understanding of what individual words mean creates infrastructure that allows us to use words as building blocks to create whole sentences, concepts and expressions for our ideas.

Children are fascinating to watch as they learn language. They start with individual sounds, simple sounds such as “ma-ma” and “da-da”. When my daughter was first learning to talk she loved this simple combination of sounds and would say it over and over and over: “Bah-bee bah-bee bah-bee bah-bee bah-bee bah-bee…”

Her dad and I would laugh with delight and say, “Who’s Bobby?” just to hear her say it again. I always noticed that when she said it her dad and I thought of the sounds in terms of a name, whereas she was just saying sounds that felt good on her tongue. We weren’t communicating in that we didn’t agree that certain sounds meant certain things.

Fast forward eleven years and she’s a 6th grader in middle school. She’s articulate and literate, and yet she came home the other night and told me with sadness that she must not be very smart. Her Language Arts teacher says that a test measures how smart you are and she doesn’t always get the best grades on her tests. She connected the dots and came to the obvious conclusion that her mental faculties are lacking.

As you might imagine, I hit the roof. I told her that her teacher is wrong, tests are not a measure of intelligence, and this is why. Cupping each of my hands, I held them shoulder-distant apart and told her:

Imagine that my left hand is the bucket of all the things that are in your head. Now imagine that my right hand is the test. How is the information going to get from your head to the test? Well, there’s a pipeline that connects the two together. If the pipeline is clear, then all the information in your head can get to the test. But what if it’s not clear, what if there’s a blockage somewhere and only some of the stuff in your head comes out? Then what happens?

She said, “Not all the stuff in your head gets to the test.”

“That’s right,” I told her. “It doesn’t all get to the test. So if the pipeline isn’t clear somehow, does that mean that your bucket of knowledge isn’t full?”

She shook her head. No. It means simply that there are a few possibilities: either all the information that was in your head made it to the test and in fact, there was insufficient information to do well on the test. Or, the information was there but something prevented the knowledge from formulating into a way that the teacher found acceptable for the test. Either way, there’s a gap in communication, learning and knowledge.

I thought about this as I ran today. Words are incredibly special to me personally, but they are also an absolute treasure trove to the human species as well. With words we can convey thoughts, feelings, emotions, and questions. We get to connect with people on every possible level. Here’s the catch though; if the words that are used as the “pipeline” to convey ideas from one bucket (person) to another get stuck somewhere because there isn’t enough knowledge or ability to express a complex thought or idea, does it mean that the person lacks intelligence? Sometimes, but not always.  Sometimes it just means that the words aren’t always there.

Anyone who’s read this blog has probably figured out that I use writing as a way to help me make sense of what I’ve done, seen or experienced. Words help me make sense of my world, both internally and externally. This doesn’t mean that I have all the words I need at my disposal; it just means that I’m doing the best I can.

The day after I talked with my daughter about the bucket and pipeline metaphor, she came home from school and told me that she was frustrated in science that day. She and her friend were working together and she told her friend my metaphor, and how frustrated she was that the information was in her head and couldn’t get out. Her friend understood immediately, said, “Oh! That happens to me sometimes too!” and immediately went to work helping my daughter organize the jumble of information in her head into a format that made more sense. They were both thrilled that they could recognize the problem and then work together with their words to piece together the knowledge that they both possessed.

I’m glad that my daughter believed me when I told her that her teacher was wrong and that a test is not a measure of intelligence.  Tests can measure many things, but a 6th grade Language Arts test or book report does not tell anyone how smart my kid is.  If anything, it can tell you that she didn’t read the book, didn’t understand the concept, doesn’t know how to write a summary, doesn’t understand punctuation, or simply didn’t do her best work.  Any of those things can be addressed by a teacher that is paying attention.  But to simply announce that THAT test measures intelligence?  Nope.  You’re wrong.  In so many ways.

Words help us communicate, but they also help us to understand the possibilities of HOW to communicate. That’s the beauty of language; we get to constantly experiment with different ways to make ourselves known.  My use of words helped my daughter understand the places that intelligence lie, and that an external source might not be a good indicator of what’s hanging out in her brain.  And that was a good use of words.

Posted in Seasons, Winter 2012 | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Connectedness

I wrote a blog post this morning for the career consulting list-serv that I frequently post to (I’m a career coach in my day job) on the topic of Connectedness. The gist of it was that when we’re disconnected from our job, the people or the work, we’re miserable.

I can really go off on this subject in a million different ways because people feel disconnected from things all the time. I’ve felt this way. Sometimes it feels like you’re on the outside, looking in. Sometimes it’s a surreal feeling of going through the motions, of being seen but not felt. Of knowing that your physical presence is all that is required.

Marriages have ended because of this. Friendships have been lost when one person stops engaging with their heart and thinks that sitting in front of you is all that’s required. Jobs have ended, careers have shifted, adventures have started and rivers of tears have been shed over not feeling connected to the world.

There’s a gut sensation related to these feelings. Discontent. Anxiety. Depression. Isolation. Fatigue. Anger. And probably a million more. All this points in the same direction; you’re not connected to the world in the way that feels good. You’re not doing that beautiful exchange of ideas and energy with people that value you not just for your skill set but also for your unique perspectives and ability to really be present.

The gut is an amazing source of intuition and doesn’t get nearly enough credit for its wisdom. I’ve decided that I need to let my gut lead the way instead of my head (at least for a while). My brain can rationalize a lot of different things but my gut knows when something feels good or it just… doesn’t.

So what does it look like when you open yourself up to the connectedness of living? For me, it starts with consciously choosing which relationships to engage in, what conversations have meaning, and hanging out with myself. And it means doing things that feel good instead of doing them because I think someone else thinks I should.

Recently I walked into a business and got such a good energy from the people and the place that I thought, “I want to work here. Even for a few hours a week. I LIKE it here. This feels good.” I have nothing else to base this decision off of, other than I felt connected to the place and the people as soon as I walked in. My gut was happy.

So maybe that’s what my life is going to look like for a little bit. Maybe I stop letting my tiny little brain dictate the course of my life and let my wise, intuitive gut show me how to connect with people and the energies that feel good.

Posted in Winter 2012 | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Boulder Trail Running Breakfast Club meet-up

I went to my first Meet-up group today!

The Boulder Trail Running Breakfast Club met at Dowdy Draw at 8am. I didn’t know anyone that was going to be there, and figured this would be a good way to meet some new people and see some new territory.

I pulled into the parking lot and saw a lot of people and several dogs. Everyone was super-friendly and it was easy to strike up a conversation. The first person I talked with was a guy named Matt that lives in the North Boulder area. He’s relatively new to the area and has attended a few of these meet-ups.

And then, my friend J pulled into the parking lot! We made eye contact through the windshield and hugged hard when she jumped out of the car. What a great surprise!

It was windy at the trailhead and about 30 degrees, though everyone was aware that the temp was supposed to hit a high of 60 by early afternoon. As we stood around the sun crested the hill behind us and flooded our little valley in golden light; immediately the air felt a good 10 degrees warmer. I thought about stashing my jacket in the car then decided to keep it on. I’ve run one too many times this winter under-dressed, and I’ll be damned if I do it again. Besides, I had the Nathan hydration pack on my back and could easily slip the jacket through the loops and carry it once I needed to strip off a layer.

We headed out and there was a collective beep as everyone hit the Start button on their Garmin. I was curious about the elevation gain/loss on this run, and wanted to be able to upload the info after the run.

This run starts with a steady uphill climb. A few hardy guys took off ahead of me, and the rest of the pack was behind me. I ran for a few minutes with Scott, the group organizer. We chatted briefly before someone else passed us and he dropped back to socialize with someone else.

Then we were on single-track and the ground got muddy and wet in sections. Ice layered other pieces of trail and there was no looking up at the pretty; I had to keep my eyes focused on the ground. If there was any conversation behind me I didn’t hear it. The metronome of my breath and the wind in my ears was all the music there was.

At the trail junction we paused and waited for everyone to catch up. J and I chatted about the status of our lives and then laughed really hard when a gust of wind came from the west and pushed us both backwards. She said, “We need rocks for our pockets!” and I thought that was a good way of saying that two skinny runner girls are no match for Boulder winds.

We wove through the fairy forest on our way to the fire road that eventually leads to Eldorado Canyon and pulled over for another runner group that was headed our way. Scott apparently knew these guys and told us they were running a 50k today; looping through the forest a few times to get in the miles. These guys all wore shorts, doo-rags and had hydration packs on their backs. As we made a hole and they turned left to hit the next junction they smiled at us. Just a walk in the park, Kazanski.

At this point the people with dogs took another route and those of us without 4-legged friends headed up the single-track of Goshawk Ridge. This is a beautiful loop in the summer, full of wild flowers and popping with color. Today though ice littered the trail and I found myself speed-hiking through some sections, picking foot placement and trying to stay upright by missing the slick ice that hadn’t seen sunlight in days. I could hear someone breathing behind me but since they didn’t ask to pass I didn’t turn my attention from my feet. We continued this way for what felt like about 10 minutes, until we popped off the single-track onto the main Mesa Trail.

The woman behind me finally spoke and said, “Thanks for leading the way. I wasn’t sure how to get through that so I just attached myself to you and followed your feet.” I laughed because there wasn’t any rhyme or reason to my meandering; I had zenned it the whole way down.

We paused again and waited for the group. Scott talked about some different runs that he’s led, most on sections that I haven’t tried before. In the summer time he heads up elevation and hits the Continental Divide; these runs in the Foothills in the winter are just training runs for the good stuff later in the year.

A few minutes later everyone was gathered and we ran a few minutes down to Fowler Trail. Imagine 20 trail runners all bunched together on a one-lane dirt road that sits in the shade on a steep hill. Now imagine that there are some big guys and small women. Now imagine that you’re one of the small women and two big guys are in front of you and you can’t see more than 5 feet ahead of you and suddenly Big Guy Number One slips and careens into Big Guy Number Two. He bounced off Number Two and we all kept going, never breaking stride. When we stopped again I told Number One that I was really happy he didn’t hip-check me; I would have gone flying.

We ran through Eldorado Canyon and down into the town, where we crossed to the north side of town and headed onto the Old Mesa Trail. This was new territory for me; I had never jumped onto this trail and connected the two sides of the mountain like this. Scott told us, “Hope you’re warmed up. The first six miles were fun and all, but the real running starts now.”

He was right. Immediately we headed up again. My pace fell to a whopping 17:51/mile, as I was mostly hiking now. We gained about 2000 feet over the next two miles and my right glute started complaining about the climbing. I didn’t care too much; as long as my heart held out, my butt was along for the ride.

Finally the trail leveled out, we dipped down for a minute, did one last ascent and then we were on Big Bluestem, heading down. Scott stood at the junction, made sure those of us heading back to the parking lot took the right trail and waved to the folks who were extending.

A minute later heavy breathing alerted me to someone coming up on my six and I moved over to let him pass. It was Scott; he didn’t want to pass so we ran together down the remainder of the trail. This part was soft on the shoes but not icy, a welcome relief from the protected sections of trail on the higher elevations. As we made our way down the pace picked up and we coasted along. My foot rolled suddenly and I made a noise; Scott checked in and chatted with me to keep my mind off it for a minute until the owie went away.

Big Bluestem dumped us onto the Mesa Trail, and we were home free.  The air was warmer now, probably sitting pretty at 50 degrees. My pink jacket bounced along in my hydration pack and my legs were sticky with sweat in the black running pants. I pulled off my SmartWool hat and carried it the rest of the way in my hand, hoping the breeze would cool my head a little.

Back at the parking lot I stripped off my gear and hit Stop on the Garmin. 9.88 miles in 1 hr 59 minutes and 15 seconds. I considered doing a quick tenth of a mile around the parking lot to round out the mileage and then decided that I was okay with what I had run. Time to stretch and head to breakfast.

Later at home I checked the stats of the run. Ascent: 17,631 feet. Descent: 22,180 feet. Overall pace: 12:04/mile. 9.88 miles total in approximately 2 hours. This was a sweet trail run and a good start to my marathon training!

Posted in Seasons, Trails, Training, Winter 2012 | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment