Create balance in your life and relationships, so that you too can enjoy a vacation. I should have studied up on this one before we went to the mountains on Friday for a little 2-day get-away.
Instead of running with the girls on a trail somewhere around Boulder on Saturday, I spent the day playing in the pool at the Silverthorne Rec Center, having sushi for lunch, and shopping at the outlet stores. It was a complete break from the usual activity of my life, and I’m sorry to say that it was incredibly difficult for me to just relax into the whole “vacation thing”. I was ready to go home by noon on Saturday and dreaded staying in the condo one more night.
The entire point of the weekend was to “get away” from our daily crap and mostly, to get the adults away from their computers. We don’t ski. There wasn’t any snow in which to play, hike, snowshoe, or even to build a snowman. I wanted to be outside and enjoy the oneness with nature, take pictures, marvel at the outdoors, etc., but no one else was into that. So, we went to the pool and shopped, then went back to the condo and read, watched movies, and went to bed.
So now I’m cranky because I see just how crappy I am at letting go of all the minutiae of my life. We don’t do a lot of “family things” because it’s a) expensive (skiing, anyone??) or b) there’s no time between Bill’s business obligations and me trying to squeeze in writing time between my housewifely duties.
On the car ride home yesterday Bill mentioned that it seems I’m “always” at the computer and “never” up for doing family things. This was an extreme sore point for me, mostly because I work really hard at doing all the little computer things (balancing the checkbook, paying bills, writing blog posts, researching activities, answering emails, etc) as well as the housecleaning, shopping, volunteering at kids’ schools, cleaning at my Mom’s house, cooking for the family and my mother, DURING school hours. I get up at 5:00 most days so I can exercise before getting the kids off to school. I schedule my appointments during school hours so the kids don’t get dragged to the doctor or dentist. I try to do it all before anyone gets home, but it doesn’t work. So when people are home, they see me at the computer, trying to finish the last bits of things that didn’t get done, which now take even longer with all the interruptions.
The family had a huge discussion about the many facets of this topic as we drove home, and the end result was that the kids and Bill vowed to take an active roll with the house/chores/shopping, to create time for me to write. With any luck, the shift in the household dynamic will engage the kids in their home (I’m not your MAID, kids!) and allow me get my writing/working in so that I’m more relaxed and interested in spending time with the family, rather than pushing them away because I’m so fried by all the daily tripe that takes on a life of its own.
The kids went back to school today after being off all week on the holiday break. The house is NOT a mess this morning, and I didn’t have to spend two hours picking up all the little projects, drawings, pencils, clothes, toys, cups, etc. from each room and moving all the household objects from one place to another. The beds are made, Bill put in the last load of laundry when he went to the basement this morning, and I’m sitting here writing, after running and going to a yoga class to learn how to just “be”. The kids will be coming with me to a dentist appointment this afternoon, and hopefully they won’t see me sitting here at the computer all evening long.
I know I’ve been running a lot, but maybe I’ve been running away from some things too. Shit. I guess it’s time to re-evaluate my life, priorities, and adjust my position.