How’s Your Balance?

Create balance in your life and relationships, so that you too can enjoy a vacation.  I should have studied up on this one before we went to the mountains on Friday for a little 2-day get-away.

Instead of running with the girls on a trail somewhere around Boulder on Saturday, I spent the day playing in the pool at the Silverthorne Rec Center, having sushi for lunch, and shopping at the outlet stores.  It was a complete break from the usual activity of my life, and I’m sorry to say that it was incredibly difficult for me to just relax into the whole “vacation thing”.  I was ready to go home by noon on Saturday and dreaded staying in the condo one more night.

The entire point of the weekend was to “get away” from our daily crap and mostly, to get the adults away from their computers.  We don’t ski.  There wasn’t any snow in which to play, hike, snowshoe, or even to build a snowman.  I wanted to be outside and enjoy the oneness with nature, take pictures, marvel at the outdoors, etc., but no one else was into that.  So, we went to the pool and shopped, then went back to the condo and read, watched movies, and went to bed.

So now I’m cranky because I see just how crappy I am at letting go of all the minutiae of my life.  We don’t do a lot of “family things” because it’s a) expensive (skiing, anyone??) or b) there’s no time between Bill’s business obligations and me trying to squeeze in writing time between my housewifely duties.

On the car ride home yesterday Bill mentioned that it seems I’m “always” at the computer and “never” up for doing family things.  This was an extreme sore point for me, mostly because I work really hard at doing all the little computer things (balancing the checkbook, paying bills, writing blog posts, researching activities, answering emails, etc) as well as the housecleaning, shopping, volunteering at kids’ schools, cleaning at my Mom’s house, cooking for the family and my mother, DURING school hours.  I get up at 5:00 most days so I can exercise before getting the kids off to school.  I schedule my appointments during school hours so the kids don’t get dragged to the doctor or dentist.  I try to do it all before anyone gets home, but it doesn’t work.  So when people are home, they see me at the computer, trying to finish the last bits of things that didn’t get done, which now take even longer with all the interruptions.

The family had a huge discussion about the many facets of this topic as we drove home, and the end result was that the kids and Bill vowed to take an active roll with the house/chores/shopping, to create time for me to write.  With any luck, the shift in the household dynamic will engage the kids in their home (I’m not your MAID, kids!) and allow me get my writing/working in so that I’m more relaxed and interested in spending time with the family, rather than pushing them away because I’m so fried by all the daily tripe that takes on a life of its own.

The kids went back to school today after being off all week on the holiday break.  The house is NOT a mess this morning, and I didn’t have to spend two hours picking up all the little projects, drawings, pencils, clothes, toys, cups, etc. from each room and moving all the household objects from one place to another.  The beds are made, Bill put in the last load of laundry when he went to the basement this morning, and I’m sitting here writing, after running and going to a yoga class to learn how to just “be”.  The kids will be coming with me to a dentist appointment this afternoon, and hopefully they won’t see me sitting here at the computer all evening long. 

I know I’ve been running a lot, but maybe I’ve been running away from some things too.  Shit.  I guess it’s time to re-evaluate my life, priorities, and adjust my position.

Turkey Trot 2009

My sister Rachael added running into her workout repertoire a few months ago.  She lives on top of a big hill in Boulder, so her runs always go down and then back up at the end.  Until a few days ago, I didn’t know how far or how fast she usually went.  I casually invited her to join the ladies on our annual Turkey Trot trail run last weekend, not expecting her to accept.  Imagine my surprise when she said Yes!  A few days later Kathy sent out the email naming the place; I forwarded it to Rachael, giving full disclosure about the run. 

“Here it is!  We meet at the Dowdy Draw trailhead inside Eldorado Canyon.  It’s on your LEFT as you’re driving into the canyon, about a mile??  after you turn off Hwy 93.  It’s about 100 feet past the Mesa Trailhead parking lot that’s on the right.

This is about 5.5 – 6 mile run.  The hills are on the first half, and then it’s downhill from there.  It’s absolutely beautiful, my favorite run (although a tad short for me).  We’ll be done by 8 (or shortly thereafter) and will head over to Caffé Sole for coffee from there.”

I didn’t want there to be ANY surprises for her.  I figured she would run slowly but steadily and that she would finish by 8:15 or 8:20 at the latest.  Given that it hasn’t snowed in a few weeks and the daytime temperatures have been in the mid 40’s and low 50’s, I thought the trails would be passable with occasional ice patches here and there; nothing serious.

I picked her up at 6:50 Thursday morning (so there was no possibility of her getting lost inside the canyon and believe me, this was a real possibility).  I gave her my Garmin so she could track distance and time, and told her that if she got too tired to continue, to TURN AROUND and go back to the car.  I gave her the key to the car so she wouldn’t have to stand outside in the cold without a water bottle.  I introduced her to all the ladies in the group, and especially Amy and Joy who would be picking up the rear.  I did not try to tell her the trails, as they are convoluted and can be confusing.

Dawn breaking on the Foothills

Dawn breaking on the Foothills

I realized I didn’t have a pocket to hold the clicker for my car.  Heidi put it in her pocket to carry it for me.  We started out.  I ran with Heidi, Siga and Beth at the front of the pack for about 15 minutes, looking back to see where everyone was.  After we crossed a little ravine and hit the switchback I paused, watching the figures come into view.  Kathy came first, then Amy a minute later, and then… nothing.  Kathy and I discussed it for a minute, then I decided to go back and look for Rachael, as there was a sinking feeling in my gut.  “I’ll see you at coffee,” I said, so that she wouldn’t wait for me at the Trailhead afterwards.

DSCN1181

As I started running back I found Joy, who never even looked up as she huffed and puffed up the hill.  Shortly thereafter I ran across three men and called out to them “Have you seen a girl in a white jacket?” 

“Yeah,” the first guy said, “she’s right past the bend.”

Good, I thought, she’s close by.  I kept running though, wanting to find her quickly.  At one point I looked up from my footing and noticed a small movement in the trees about a mile off.  I kept retracing my steps though, hopeful I’d run into her momentarily.  After a half a mile I had passed the turn-off.  She can’t be back this far, I thought. And then I realized what had happened.  She hadn’t turned west onto the trail heading for Eldorado Canyon and had continued on the path up to the switchback of Doudy Draw. 

The short of the story is that I spun around and started booking it along the trail to the huge switchback that climbs up to the mesa.  I hoped that I was a lot faster than her, that she was pausing to take some walking breaks, and that she didn’t have her iPod on so she could hear me call.  A mile and a half later I caught sight of her heading up the switchback, walking.  She came back down and we headed back to the fork in the trail.

Rachael coming down the switchback after taking a slight detour.

Rachael coming down the switchback after taking a slight detour.

She had been running for two miles so far, about what she ran every two or three days on the streets of Boulder.  She didn’t want to go back to the car yet though; she wanted to keep going.  So we did.  We jogged over the trails when we could, we picked our way over the ice when we had to, and slowly but surely we progressed.

A little ice on the trail, the sun coming up over the hill... beautiful.

A little ice on the trail, the sun coming up over the hill... beautiful.

Sisters!  That's Rachael on the right.

Sisters! That's Rachael on the right.

I carried my camera in my hand, and took advantage of the slower pace to take lots of pictures.  As we walked, talked, and jogged, a kind of peace settled over me.  I’ve never been on a run with my sister.  She wasn’t having a LOT of fun (I don’t know if she had ANY fun, to be completely honest), but she wasn’t complaining.  She was determined to finish this run, come hell or high water.  She walked a lot and stretched out the cramp in her belly.  Her shoulders hurt from tensing up, so I showed her how to relax them and let her arms flop to reset her posture.  Her feet hurt but she didn’t say anything.  It wasn’t until I idly mentioned my trail running shoes and how they gripped the ice that we noticed she was wearing trail… shoes.  Not running shoes, but trail WALKING shoes.  This was a complete “A-HA” moment for her.  “No wonder my toes are going numb on my right food,” she said in utter comprehension.  I thought it was supposed to hurt!”

I got to show her the “Wind Tunnel” going into Eldorado Canyon, and the massive rock face that greets visitors as they come through the man-made, dynamited walkway.  “This is my favorite view of the entire run,” I told her.  “It’s incredible in the early dawn light, with the sun’s rays spilling onto the trees that grow in the crevices.”

Rock face in Eldorado Canyon.  See the trees in the crevices?

Rock face in Eldorado Canyon. See the trees in the crevices?

 

It's a little dicey in Eldo right now.

It's a little dicey in Eldo right now.

We made our way across the ice field and jogged the last bit into town.  She gave me the car key, and I sprinted the last mile and a half down the road to the trailhead.  With the car, I went back and picked up my tired, tired sis.  It was 8:45 AM, and the Garmin said that she had covered 7.5 miles in all.

Kathy and Marcia were waiting at the trailhead.  Siga had run back up the trail to see if she could find us.  Heidi had put my clicker in Siga’s glove and left it in the handle of my car door.  The girls were worried that I didn’t have my key.  Heidi didn’t realize that I had TWO keys (well, technically a key and a clicker) and that Rachael had the other one.  So, the ladies waited.  I drove up the road to get Rachael, we met again at the Trailhead where Siga came back into view, and then the five of us drove to coffee at Caffé Sole. 

Rachael was surprised that they waited.  “No one gets left behind,” I explained, then launched into stories of people getting lost, turned around, or mis-directed on various runs.  “It happens to everyone,” I told her.  “Some runs are uneventful, the rest end well with a good story.  It’s all good.”

Hours later, Rachael was still on her feet, cooking stuffed mushrooms for Thanksgiving appetizers. 

My sweet sister, Rachael.

My sweet sister, Rachael.

I know she’s planning on doing some shoes shopping on Friday and getting some real running shoes.  Three cheers for Rachael, she did it!

Thanksgiving Eve Thanks

On this Thanksgiving Eve morn, I began by reading the newest posts on a few of the blogs that I follow.

RunnerDude:  http://ncrunnerdude.blogspot.com/  RunnerDude wrote a sweet little ode giving thanks for his ability (and accoutrements that enable him) to run. It even kind of rhymed! (find him on Twitter @RunnerDude_)

DCRunnerGrrl, (find her on Twitter @dcrunnergrrl), wrote this piece about rewarding ourselves.  http://amyreinink.com/2009/11/25/carrot-and-stick-part-deux/  This was a good one for me to read, in that often I am in high gear trying to get “it” all done, when really, less would be more.

JuliBell shared some thoughts on simplifying things in one’s own life, a message that is true any day of the year but often forgotten during the craziness of the holiday season.  http://goddessrevealed.blogspot.com/2009/11/simplify.html

Separately, I enjoyed each of these posts.  But when taken together, as I read them this morning, I feel the need to sit down and write what I am thankful for (as RunnerDude did), to reward myself by writing after a morning of cooking (as DCRunnerGrrl suggested) and to explore where I might do LESS, as JuliBell discusses.

Running is my moving meditation, and I am loathe to give up any precious run for the sake of “doing less”.  However, what immediately springs to mind is my multitude of volunteer hours.  I volunteer my time often because it’s a good cause, I believe in the ideal of the cause, or simply because I feel guilty if I don’t do it, even when I have to drive 15-20 minutes out of my way to do 30-45 minutes of volunteering.  I end up spending much of my morning doing something that doesn’t ultimately feed my soul.  Is it necessary to do these things?  Will projects fall apart if I don’t do them?  Or, is my time working on these projects simply done and I haven’t made the effort to sever the cords that tie me to them?  Most likely it’s the latter.  It’s easier to stay the course than it is to veer, even if it means you might be happier with your new-found freedom. 

I spent the morning baking and cooking, as well as doing laundry.  I’m happy I did these things because a) I enjoyed puttering around in the kitchen baking the pumpkin pie and making the stuffing from scratch and b) I hung the laundry on the line in the cool Colorado sunshine, which just made my soul sing.  Now, I’m sitting at my desk with a cup of tea, writing down my thoughts.  All of these endeavors are lovely to me, and I am so incredibly thankful that I got to participate in them today.

My thanks to all of you in the cyber-world who continually inspire me with your deeds and words.  On this eve of Thanksgiving, I give thanks for you.