My focus right now is on deep breathing, and yoga.
I started seeing an acupuncturist a few weeks ago about some digestive issues that have plagued me for years. After her assessment and a few treatments, she announced that my body has been in a low level state of “fight or flight” for almost 20 years. This stress pulls blood away from the internal organs and sends it to the head, feet and hands, which eventually creates a chronic state of unrest and ill health in the body. “Fight or flight” is great when you’re at risk of being eaten by a mountain lion, but after you’ve made it to safety your body needs to come back down to a place of relaxation. Problem is, my body has forgotten how to do that.
I have a heightened sense of awareness almost all the time. When I’m around people I have no filter; I’m picking up on what everyone in the room is feeling at any given time. I’m absorbing their energy, their intentions, and processing that within my body. By the time I leave the gathering I’m wiped out, emotionally and physically. My body has come to adapt to this, but in an unhealthy way.
My acupuncturist says that I HAVE to start doing meditation and/or yoga on a daily basis, to give my body a break. I have to re-train myself release stress and find a place of calm. I’ve said many times that I need to stretch more, find time to do yoga, and now I’m getting a literal prescription that instructs me to start taking better care of myself! How crazy is THAT???
It’s been increasingly hard for me to get out and run lately; you may have noticed a dip in the number of posts I’ve written lately. I couldn’t figure out anything to say, other than “Feeling depressed” or “Yup, things are still crazy”. It seemed stupid to keep beating a dead horse, so I didn’t say anything at all.
Interestingly enough, this past weekend all of the stressors in my life came to a head, and I went into total overwhelm. I was very depressed and cried several times a day. A conversation late in the weekend solidified the notion that I am in total overwhelm and need to make some major changes.
I spent Monday sending out emails and making changes to my schedule. I’ve pulled back from all but two commitments in my life; the work that I’m contracted to do this summer, and my writing. Other than that, I’m focusing on my family, my health, and me. I extended too far and lost my balance.
So, this is me, trying to re-learn how to find my own center and live in that place, rather than in other people’s energy. I will always be sensitive to other people, and that’s a good thing, but I need to learn how to take care of myself. Thank God I’m not dead yet, as I still have SOOO much to learn.
I hope to get back into a running routine soon, but I’m giving myself permission to take it easy. I’ve been super-tired lately, the kind of tired that sleep can’t touch.
Thanks for understanding.
Lara, it sounds like you have a good plan to re-prioritize, rest up, get re-grounded and move forward. That’s the most important thing at this moment, and everyone totally understands. We’ll look forward to reading about better days!
.-= Vern Myers´s last blog ..Monday Quote of the Week =-.
Lara – I think each and every one of us needs to hit the “reset” button every once in awhile and get back to the core things that make us, us.
I think you have a great list of priorities established to show you the way. Your running will always be there for you when you are ready to come back to it.
Take good care Lara! I’ll be thinking of you down here in Austin, Best – Joe
.-= joerunfordom´s last blog ..Boston Marathon …. Course Knowledge =-.
Like you, I have been through periods when I cried frequently in depression and anxiety, overwhelmed and hopeless. I was on medications for years to stave off anxiety and depression, and they took the edge off, but did little to provide motivation to really engage in life. When I learned about meditation (sitting and moving), and started a practice, I was off medication within a year, and have been off now for several years while I continue to practice meditation.
Your acupuncturist hit on something that has become a dominant theory in some schools of modern psychotherapy – namely the realization that our depression and anxiety stem from us responding to mental threats (non-life-threatening), with the same “fight or flight” mechanisms that are activated when we are in real physical danger. It’s stimulated a whole new approach to psychotherapy that melds western psychology with eastern philosophy and has proven to be more effective for long-term relief of stress and anxiety than any modern pharmaceutical (which sort of just cover up the problem).
Behavioral neuropsychologists have also found that regular meditation practice causes changes in the structures and chemistry of our brains over time that correlate with a more level mood. So, not only can meditation provide better perspective on our mental experiences, so we don’t overreact and spiral into anxiety and depression. It also sort of exercises and strengthens the happy muscles in our brains, making them bigger and stronger.
.-= Mark C.´s last blog ..Prevent side stitches when running =-.
So pleased to read such a insightful article that does not resort to cheap rhetoric to get the idea covered. Thank you for a great read.
Thanks for the honest and relatable post about something many of us struggle with. I, too, have been rebalancing my life after wrist surgery threw me off track. I’m starting to feel like being thrown off track was maybe the healthiest thing that could have happened to me. So you can be grateful that your revelation didn’t require surgery to achieve! I’m looking forward to following your journey toward more mindfulness and less chaos.
.-= Amy Reinink´s last blog ..How to love your body when you’re injured and can’t run =-.