This “living” thing requires a lot of energy. Some days it takes everything I have to roll out of bed and make it to the shower. Other days I have energy to burn; I take it up the mountain and yodel it off the high rock walls and trees that surround me.
Some days I’m spiraling out of my mind, and can’t harness energy to save my life. This is the wild feminine energy that yanks me out of my body and spins me into orbit if there’s nothing to pull me back. Other days I’m absolutely grounded and present, and can harness the natural energy of the world as though I’m a conduit for unseen forces.
Today is one of those days. It’s a day of being fully present and grounded, and holding lots of space. As I started my run up to Davidson Mesa this morning I could feel the gentleness of the energy around me. Nothing was pulling me out of my head. There was a diffused quality to the light, and even the birds chirped softly.
There’s a Goddess called Kali (pronounced Kah-lie) that I first learned about in a women’s yogic retreat several years ago. She is massively powerful because she is the divine embodiment of feminine energy. She throws energy at her lover when he does not meet her spiritually or energetically, she can rage and scream and then submit to the masculine when she’s met on a spiritual level. She is youth, mother, wisdom and hag. She is young and beautiful, and as ancient as the stars. During the retreat, several women commented on my “Kali energy”. It wasn’t until I was home and able to look up the Goddess that I understood the reference.
Sometimes when I run, I ground into this yogic energy and channel my inner Kali. I tap into her light, rage, passion and love, and carry that with me. My brain stops churning at lightning speed and I move seamlessly into the intuitive part of my being. Every cell opens, and it feels like electricity is coursing through me. Sometimes I have to shake my arms and hands, throwing off negative energy that has stagnated and is now coming to life again. Everything aches and hurts and sadness wells up and threatens to overcome me until the old stuff moves out; then the positive energy pours forth and lightens my body until I’m almost flying.
Today, my Kali energy flowed strong, deep and wide. The mountains to the west were silent and strong, sending gentle rays to the mesa where I ran. I drew strength from the ground on which I stood, the air that I breathed and the sun that warmed my bare shoulders and head. I thought about the people in my life that I love, and held them gently in my heart. I wrapped them in compassion and grounded them deep into the center of the earth, tethering them to the ancient wisdom of the universe. And I ran.
Running is my moving meditation. I run to feel, to heal, to live and tap into the energy of nature. I run to move energy and lighten my load. I run to remind myself that I am part of something so large, so universal, so deep and wide that my little soul is a mere grain of sand in the grand scale of life. I run to experience the wisdom of the earth, and to draw strength from the ancient energy that resides deep within the folds of the earth. I run to live.